Anybody have some moments of tension in the past week??
Anybody have some tense moments with their kids??
We need to BREAK the tension. We need the cathartic release to release the steam. We can release it through things like yelling. Children can release it through aggression. OR we can create moments to release it together that serve as moments of connection instead of disconnection.
With all of these games, the goal is to create a moment of playful uncertainty (Oh my goodness, what’s going to happen next?!) and then relish in the moment of connection that reassures certainty. For example, remember that feeling you had as a child when you had a great hiding spot in a game of hide and seek? You may have sat their nervously and excitedly, giggling, waiting to be found. Shrieks of laughter and surprise arose the moment you were found. THAT’S what we’re going for with these play techniques!!
Chase: I love Laurie Berkner’s song “I’m Gonna Catch You” for littles (3 and under). You can chase kids around the house, in the yard, and then switch it up! Let them chase you! Play hard to get and just when you feel a bit of tension, release it by letting them CATCH you! The bigger the reaction, the more fun! Be dramatic and silly!
Tag: A great option for older kids! This is an advanced version of the chase game above.
Hide and Seek: This is actually a “big kid” version of peek-a-boo! When you find your child (or your child finds you) make eye contact, reach out, and playfully grab them. Create that strong moment of connection with eye contact, playfulness, touch, and presence!
Suspense Games: These are SO easy to embed in any routine activity. The adult simply freezes mid-action and then slowly starts to move again. Or pretend like you can’t find something and get overdramatic about it! For example, my son asked for a cookie. I playfully replied “I ate them ALL!” He shot back “Mooooom!” I kept it going for a few back-and-forths until I finally said, “Oh! Here they are! I didn’t eat them all!” The goal here is to be PLAYFUL and read your child. We don’t want to upset them or create more insecurity. We want laughter and giggles! I still use a game my dad “invented” with me and my siblings called Three Bears Hibernate! We would all lay down next to each other and try not to wake-up Papa Bear. But of course, we would and then Papa Bear would ROOOOAR and feign upset.
Versions of Peek-A-Boo: I still play peek-a-boo with my five year-old! I’ll walk around a corner, let him see me, then quickly back-up behind the corner, and peek around. I’ll continues this a few times until he’s smiling and watching for me, then I run over and cover him in kisses! He then “wipes off” my kisses and I thank him for “rubbing them in”.
Gentle Wrestling: I’m not one to *actually* wrestle, but I’ll sit/lay on the floor and let my kids climb on me and flip them over, gently throw them into cushions. I let them knock me over and then bring them down next to me. Find your own comfort level with this type of physical play because it serves many different developmental purposes.
Invisible Games: “Oh no! I can’t see you! Where did you go?” Or you can sit on them and pretend you don’t know why the couch is “so lumpy”. After a few feigned search attempts, then gasp in joy and surprise: “Oh there you are!!” Fair warning: one round is never enough! My kids request this again and again and again!
Stop/Go Games: “Stop/goes” can happen in the middle of chase games, while you’re walking around the house, in the middle of the activity - just freeze. Wait for them to look at you (like you’re crazy), break a smile, and then when they acknowledge you’re frozen, start moving again. You can think of a touch or a special word to “unfreeze” to add some intentional moments of connection!
1-2-3 Games: This is really a version of a “Stop-Go” game, but with the added suspense of counting! You can use this while playing with toys, on bikes, running, walking, just STOP and then count: 1-2-3, GO!
I use these techniques spontaneously to create FUN or during moments of tension when I need to reset my brain and reset my children with some moments of connection. An important part of using these games is to read the room’s energy. In moments of intense turmoil, these may not be the best tool to use BUT during moments of building tension or frustration, they can be very helpful.
May or may not work well with adult partners. Experiment at your own risk ;-) We could all use a chuckle right now!